Back To Self

I’ve spent the summer of 2022 immersed in Traditional Dream Factory - a regenerative village with super-high-energy social context overflowing with all sorts of in-real-life relating. As my stewardsheep 🐑 came to an end I returned to Pico island. Suddenly I am spending pretty much all of my time alone.

It’s a huge shift.

After being with people pretty much constantly for four months I felt overloaded. TDF is an amazing place to live, and it is indeed one of my Homes, and yet I could not find the balance between social time and self time - for all the right reasons.

In a place where the official language is laughter and people genuinely care for each other it’s easy to slip into interacting constantly.

Creating self-time in a community is something to practice, and there are many ways to do it:

Setting boundaries for self-time. Going away for a few days. Creating spaces for silence. Setting cues for not being disturbed.

Damn, I had so much fun.

Of course, there was also conflict and interpersonal tensions. This is a given when bringing people together. But that doesn’t discourage me at all. In fact - quite the opposite: I find a strange fascination for conflict in groups.

Conflict reveals peoples’ “true colours”, how they behave under pressure, and what are their trauma points. This is invaluable information for any group that wants to create something meaningful together.

Now, all of this is gone, and it’s just the silly old me again.

Hi.

Surprisingly, although that’s perhaps due to my naivety, being in the space with little-to-none IRL deep relating for a couple of days, I find myself inside emotional whirlpool, as intense as when I was at TDF.

The excitements, frustrations, and all sorts of moments of intensity of various flavours still exist, but now they all happen within me. The entire internal ecosystem of parts came out to play, encouraged by the silence around me.

Somehow it feels way more challenging to be immersed in that context.

It also feels necessary.

It’s my growth edge.

I’m regaining balance.

This summer, I practiced finding stillness in the moments of absolute chaos. Now it’s time to find stillness inside of me.

Fortunately, I am in the most wonderful place to practice - a volcanic rock immersed in Awe Inspiring Nature.

As I allow myself to Be, I begin to recalibrate and ground. It becomes clear that just like in TDF I could practice creating self-time, I can practice creating IRL deep relating in Pico. In fact, I’m doing that already, only at a slower pace.

It is my very choice to take action to meet my needs.

Just as the Akinado Card reminds me:

Metamorphosis. It all starts with a Choice.

As the external and internal noise dissolves into silence, a feeling of boundless spaciousness emerges.

Infinite space to create any reality I want to live in.

It’s the most precious gift.

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